chrome and lacquer #11

2011-09-15T09:28:00.000+08:00

life begins at www.kairostime.blogspot.com

2011-08-09T18:01:00.003+08:00

every now and then, I will come to a crossroad in life. It is at here that i will need to decide what do I want for the next few years of my life. Right now, I'm in one.

I might fall to the weakness of my heart, and succumb to the dark side. But at the end of day i still wish for an angel to bring me back to senses. I believe there are still keys out there to open my lock. Please don't come too late.

我会在灯火阑珊处等你..

end of this blog.

Summer

2011-05-19T23:04:00.001+08:00

不要再普普通通的过日子了，
是时候轰轰烈烈的活在当下！

我们20出头，正站在人生的起跑点。若人生有四季，我们正处于疯狂的夏天。

夏天代表暑假，也代表热情奔放。夏日也是恋爱的完美季节。

人生是有限的，夏天也是短暂的，就让我们潇潇洒洒的走一回吧！

让我们在这有限的光辉岁月中尽情的奔放！

nonsense

2011-05-01T05:39:00.001+08:00

I have specifically told myself to refrain from voicing any comments regarding the general election.

one reason being I probably can't write as well nor have time to find and cite any historical examples or statistical data like most of the posts already available out on the net. u can find many examples at Facebook, online citizen or some
other political blog. Just go to ur Facebook live feed, u will probably find a few there.

the other reason being I think my point of view is rather unpopular with the majority of the people who surf the net.

so while I'm suffering the effect of caffeine overdosage, I shall quickly write something down too.

the system is not perfect. any form of organisation, system that is created by man is not perfect. because we are not perfect to start with. hence we end up creating a flawed system.

communism. china being the very symbol of communism is now
becoming the country with the highest income gap between the rich and poor. communism or pseudo capitalism? Marx system was perfect until the human factor steps in.

meritocracy too. what started out as choosing the best ppl for the job create a system where the best choose the best. meritocracy will eventually leads to dictatorship and elitism.

so bringing it back to the political scene, who are we to say which party is better or which party is now?

it doesn't matter who is in power. the whole political system is imperfect, problem will come
regardless who is in control. whether is it a one party system or a multi party system. we had seen example of one party system that failed, and we had always seen example of failed
multi party system. regardless whether it is communism or democracy, there is always a flaw in the system.

Ruling party are ignorance to
public opinion? Opposition suggestion are impractical? Do they really matter? even if today they switch their role, I believe the point will not change. the new ruling party will still be complained with the same thing, and the new opposition will still be put down by the government.

it is the system. and there is nothing much you can do about it, because we are in it. (do u think a fish trap inside a
fish tank can do anything about it? it might as well just eat and breed in it for the rest of it's life.)

furthermore come may 7, you and I will also show our support to the flawed system. this is the hard truth.

2011-03-30T10:58:00.001+08:00

what if one day u open a door and behind it is a different place from what u expect?

like the idea of door from adjustment bureau, doremon, starhub commercial.

will u enter the door?

2011-03-11T11:06:00.001+08:00

lalalallalallalalalla

average

2011-03-06T00:23:00.001+08:00

wrote this for my fren when I said I want to describe to her what an average life is.

the original question was whether she wants to be extremely unhappy and bitter for a short period of time but enjoy the fruit of labour after that or just be averagely happy forever.

so to describe an average life, here it goes

"u work hard, graduate with a decent degree or diploma. then u get a job that pay average. u slog for a few years, work sucks because it's not what u like, but u just do because u feel the opportunity cost of jobless is too high. u can trap inside a job u dun like, u want to upgrade but u doubt u can take the stress of going back to books again. so everyday is just a drag to work. one day u saw someone u like, u two begins the ordinary courtship of movie, dinner plus a few occasion visit to neighbouring country only because ur work pays well but not that well. eventually two of u get married after 2 years in the relationship. firstly, u feel that u are too old to start a new relationship with someone else. secondly, u think he is just the kind that is decent enough to get married to. he also might married u because of pressure from age, social circle and mainly two of you might get married in order to pursue the social obligation that society put on you. also, u do need to marry in order to own a hdb before 35. you want to buy a car but can't afford on ur own. you want to buy a house but can't afford on ur own. however now that u are married, the combined financial status is just enough to afford both. just enough for a 4 room flat at a non mature estate with a simple Japanese car. life is simple, day is repeated. honeymoon period over, life is about payments after payments, days after days. the greater calling and also the government and also social pressure leads to a baby or two to complete the family. you raise ur kids with the mindset that you want to download all available information into their brain so they can be the person you never become. you keep telling them that they need to study hard hard so they can be a useful person, a doctor or a lawyer, it just doesn't matter as long as they have the income. u tell them if they dun study hard they will be average like u. but like all well known stats, average parents give birth to average children because of the lack of exposure to extraordinary and also lack of resources to download more into their brain. work is a drag, family is a drag, life is a drag. soon as u hit middle age, ur parents start to clock up hefty medical bill like all old people will, and ur children starts to be rebellious. ur day starts at 6, ends at 12. in order to keep the ends meet, the house in order, the laundry done. then u ask urself is that me for the next 10 years. unfortunately, yes. because Singapore children dun grow up till they graduate from Uni; which could be a good 25years for u to support them, wash their clothes, house them and give them
monthly allowance so they can bring their gf to fancy restaurant that u dun even dare to enter in order to save more money for the household. u then define shopping as purchasing stuff from supermarkets while taking notes of discounts and offers. ur only pleasure out of life remains unknown because ur time is not ur time, ur time is divided by the demand of work and family. u dun even look the same because of the lack of resources and opportunity to doll up. u probably look fatter because of post pregnancy figure. so after u hit 50, u ask urself is that all to life?"

is that what we want from life?

time

2011-03-05T19:48:00.001+08:00

sat end, just like that. and then sun will end, also with a blink of an eye. in fact, next week will come and pass without me noticing, Prelim too will come and pass, the long study break from work, the exam, all will come and pass. then 2011 will reach the end and before I know it, it's 2012 and I'm 23, 2 years away from my target age of 25 where I got my next 10 years all figured out. then like 2011,2012 will zoom pass without any delay. in fact when I think about it, the last decade was a blur, like something out of a old singapore TCS drama, like channel 5 growing up series. you can't be sure whether it is real or mixed with dreams and tv. i'm pretty sure it was colored and not yellowish like my current memory of it. time pass. very. fast. and I still haven't figure out what I want with my life. the void is there, the gap is there. and time just won't tell.

above rantings is the result of sleeping in afternoon and waking up totally blur with what's going on because the sky looks like morning.

2011-03-05T16:02:00.001+08:00

romance is dead.

2011-01-31T22:30:00.002+08:00

life has been rather exciting, every day is a mad rush to finish daily reports/weekly reports/monthly reports at work, followed by squeezing my way to SIM, attend lesson in a zombie like trance, then squeeze my way home again.

two things to highlight, Singapore is overcrowded. (our population increased by 20% in 10 years, don't believe can google it) Secondly, SIM food stall operate on a monopoly basis and we student feel the effect of the inflation of global food price ahead of the rest of the nation.

back to why life is exciting, because i never know when one day i will run out of energy to do everything and just drop dead and die. woohoo..

but on the other hand, if those auntie uncle school mates of me can do it, so can i! at least i dun need to go back home and do housework.

woohoo.. cny coming.

2011-01-25T21:07:00.001+08:00

Why?? Hmmm.. Exam is coming,

2011-01-17T00:30:00.001+08:00

Why is Friday so far away from Monday?????

2011-01-15T22:34:00.003+08:00

da-tah! updating soon. 2011 seems so refreshing. its like the smell of freshly cut grass after a rain. :D

2010-12-18T02:58:00.001+08:00

青，取之于蓝而青于蓝：冰，水为之而寒于水。

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Reformat

2010-12-08T19:43:00.001+08:00

It's like reformatting a computer. Everything starts afresh with the need to organize and categorize things. More planning, less surprises.

Xmas soon.

Fear

2010-11-30T16:54:00.001+08:00

What if I never get to become the man I want to be?

水

2010-11-06T12:56:00.001+08:00

从前在一个遥远的国家，有一个神奇的井，井里的水是不可能煮开的。故事的主人翁是一个有笨有顽固的少年。他不相信人们说的井水是煮不开的。于是他打了一壶水回家，然后放在火中。时间一分一秒的过，水还是没滚，但是他就是深信不是水不会煮开而是水的沸腾点还没到。于是他等了有等，不知不觉已经过了几个月。这几个月他为了维持煮水的火，不停的上山砍柴，搞到自己精疲力尽。这期间水偶尔有滚动的现象，这使他很期待的看着水，但是到最后也是一场空。

有一天有个路人问他，为什么你那么相信水会开，你到底要等到几时？

他说，我就是要等，哪怕它只需要多一分钟就煮开了，如过我现在放弃，岂不是浪费了我之前花的几个月？

路人摇了摇头，这有何苦，再等也只会浪费你更多光阴，并不是每间事都等的到的。

Health

2010-11-03T20:47:00.001+08:00

Caffeine and it's effect- insomnia has done more damage to my body than alcohol ever did.

For the happiness and my health for the next (hopefully) 50 years, I should watch my body intake of unhealthy substances. First step is definitely less sugar and salt.

2010-11-01T22:19:00.001+08:00

MINDBLOWING THOUGHT PROCESS!!!

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask:

what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York CityGarden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
Which age group should I target?
Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? My target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

Awesome reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours.

Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later. By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me...

signed,

J.P. Morgan

2010-10-30T13:55:00.001+08:00

One cycle of ict completed. It wasn't that bad afterall. NS always have the magical effect of bonding different people within a small period of time.

During the ict, we keep telling each other that we will see each other for the next 9 years. I can't help but realized that age 30 is coming at me at gear 5. It's as if life is telling me " hey punk, shut up, I will deal you all the cards now. See if u got win or not "

It's time to live my life on a fast track.

Social norm

2010-10-08T15:10:00.001+08:00

I'm actually became quite interested in sociology after been exposed to the theory written by Erving goffman. His work " the presentation of self in everyday life " present the idea of 人生就是一场戏.

In Goffman work, the social setting people interact in is like the front of a stage. We are just actors on it. People act according to the script they were deal. For example, mothers will act accordingly by been meticulous in taking care of her child. Similarly teachers are expected to be teaching students something. Roles and script are fixed. If anyone were to behave different from their supposed script, the society will work it's way to correct it.

There are two ways. Firstly, the society will established a system to help the person who sway away to adjust back. For example when a lady from a respectable high society background fell down in a party, people around her will help her up immediately so as to make sure her social identity as a noble can be maintained in the society. On the other hand the society as a whole might also criticize and isolate an individual who dun act out their own script. For example a father who dun bring home income to support the family will be condemned by the society. It's all part of following the play.

That's the front of the stage.

At the back of stage, we the actor will drop our roles and revert to our personal identity. For example, an office worker will put his leg up on his desk and relax when he thought there was no one else in the office already. Thats his backstage, his powder room; a place where there is no need for him to follow his social script. However if this moment, his boss were to suddenly come in, he will immediate reposition himself and revert to a hardworking front. That's an example of him coming out of the backstage and enter the front stage again.

It's like a show. We are all actors in it. You and I both have our specific task in this society. Our role throughout our life as children, parent, students, elderly and many more are the type of different social script deal to us. And even our interaction with people can be track back to the very script itself.

Google to find out more. Goodnight.

2010-10-05T10:24:00.001+08:00

baby, give me 8 years. and i will be driving you! vroom vroom.

oh, maybe i should start by taking a license first. lols

2010-10-03T05:01:00.002+08:00

sunday morning 5am. awake since 2am. pouring outside. watching classic hollywood film on the computer.

its simplicity at its very best.

but it seems to lack something essential to make the picture perfect.

oh wells.

2010-09-26T05:37:00.003+08:00

had a chat with thiha just now. something he said really inspire me. you see, after i left my company 2 weeks ago, i had been floating around, reversing my sleeping cycle. basically i'm just wasting my life away. and the worse thing is though i keep saying i want to get my life back on track, i also keep procrastinating the process.

i told him my difficulty in sorting out all the different priorities i have currently. his answer was you have to start, if not you wont see the end.

its true, planning has no purpose if you have no action. and so,to start with, in order to pull my life back on track, i HAVE to NOT DO what i'm doing currently.

so usually, i will sleep around this timing. thus today I WONT SLEEP! Therefore i WILL be ABLE to sleep on sunday night and start my day on Monday in the morning. ( compare to the usual timing of 3-4pm )

i want to achieve these things by the end of 2010.

1) Be a good student ( 100% attendance )
2) 12 hrs of revision time a week
3) Fit (IPPT silver)
4) Exercise 2 times a week
5) Driving lesson once a week
6) New job

2010-09-25T08:31:00.001+08:00

i believe in first finding what you love, and then build a career around it.

2010-09-23T02:07:00.002+08:00

The Little Things.

The head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started kindergarten.
Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.
One woman was late because her alarm clock didn’t go off in time.
One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike Because of an auto accident.
One of them missed his bus.
One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.
One’s car wouldn’t start.
One couldn’t get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work but before.
He got there, he developed a blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today..

Now when I am
Stuck in traffic,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone…
All the little things that annoy me,
I think to myself,

This is exactly where
I’m meant to be
At this very moment

everything happens for a reason. you believe?

2010-09-20T04:43:00.002+08:00

haha. created an edmundyee.blogspot.com just for the fun of having my name in the url. but i'm not so much of an exhibitionist, just want to have this private blog which only a few close frens have the link to.

because end of the day, i'm not seeking people approval or comments here. :D

i know i have the tendency of not thinking through properly before making a decision. its pretty much in my gene to make impulsive decision. lols. thus even if anyone were to dissuade me from doing anything, by the time i mentioned it to people, i might already done it le.

reservist soon. sibei sian, cause i ORD less than 10 months, have to go back again. wtf. but luckily is combat engineer at POI unit again, meaning probably end up doing nothing again. i mean think about it, POI & Field Engineer just dont match up ya. What do you want me to do? Put landmine around jurong island?

oh wells. i'm officially an nocturnal animal. especially after i left my previous company, i'm pretty much a full time student. and the fact that my lesson is at 7pm means my day can start pretty late. However, i see the urging need to maintain a healthy social circle, so i might have to go socialise around more in SIM.

my lifestyle is quite unhealthy now. hence i might be starting to go to school earlier to study in the library.

P.S i'm still awake because i'm waiting for mcdonald to open so i can buy my $4 breakfast set. quite WU HUA leh.

2010-09-06T14:40:00.001+08:00

its time to suit up and be AWESOME..

spin out of control

2010-09-05T18:13:00.002+08:00

有时太执着于一个你要的结果是一件很累很累的事。而且事情的结果往往会和你要的差很多。不像讀書考試一樣，對於一個人的追求，並不是你付出的越多，得到的回報就會越大。

我觉得我学的一点是没有必要去改变自己成为她所要的人，因为你将会失去你的原有特色。世上的人那么多，一定会有一些是喜欢你的为人，喜欢你的特色而去认识你的。

不要贬低自己的价值， if she cannot accept you at your worse, she do not deserve you at your best.

just let it go. furthermore she is right, 因为是第一次所以难放手。

so 余伟龙， now what you need to do is to get your boat right on track. focus on the direction you want your life to be. 随风飘着的日子须要画下一个句点了。

at least you did learn something from all these.

2010-09-01T01:07:00.002+08:00

it ended. and i dun want it to start again.

probably i choose this way in order to stop myself from going back the same path. burn the trail and u will only left with the option of moving ahead. i know my weakness and this is how i deal with it.

its the best for everyone also.

perhaps i should have done this a few months back. or perhaps i should not have end it.

but regardless what, i dun look back on my decision. life is too short for that.

2010-08-22T23:13:00.002+08:00

i think i have been constantly violate my own rule of life, in which the no.1 rule is ( be happy )

i used to tell myself and others this advice that whats most important in life is to be happy with what you do, to enjoy your daily life.

if it is not going to make you happy, why do it?

recently i had realised this, i am not happy with the current arrangement in my life for quite some time le.

why am i still so stuck in it?

i should bloody hell wake up my idea.

2010-08-07T01:26:00.001+08:00

one valuable life lesson.

you cant hold on to too many things at a time. at some point, you must make a choice which one to let go.

2010-07-17T02:06:00.002+08:00

Ironman was created because Tony Stark was kidnapped and seriously wounded. Spiderman was because Peter Parker was bite by a genetic alter spider. Batman was created by Bruce Wayne because of his parents' murder. Bruce Banner become Hulk because of an experiment accident.

Thats superhero world.

In my world, i become awesome because i feel its about time to stop been down. Those unnecessary negativity created by me and the world must stop chaining me down. The emotion "sad" will have to wait. I will break free of my emotions and be reborn as a better and stronger person.

This is a public commitment.

I will be the highest roller.
I will ace my studies.
I will build my career from scratch again.
I will then bring it up to the peak regardless what it takes.
I will be different.
I will have endless supply of energy everyday.
I will be the problem solver.
I will be the architect of my dream.
I will take control.
I will be the life of the party.
I will have Barney Stinson ego.

I am awesome. Because i believe so. Fuck off.

2010-07-14T03:47:00.002+08:00

IT'S BRAND NEW AGAIN!!!!!

2010-07-11T01:24:00.002+08:00

life is about been happy right :D

i will make my life as happy as possible :D :D :D

2010-07-10T17:25:00.004+08:00

一直在推一个不会动的石头。 真的好想大声说走!! 包袱准备好， 流浪去。。

這個念頭沒隔多久，就會在我腦海中反覆的覆誦。

放下我身邊現有的一 切, 獨自一人踏上流浪之旅。可以居無定所到處走到處看，想去哪就去哪,想做什麼就去做  所有跟我有關的一 切，我都想放下...  完完全全的把過去所 經歷的一切，給洗個乾乾淨淨 一點都不留痕跡。 

时间长了， 我发现其实一直一来我都在流浪， 背着沉重的心情包袱的流浪。 人是在这里，但是魂早已离开了。

我寻找的是一个避难所，一个能寄放心情的地方， 一个流浪的终点。

有时我会忘了自己到底在哪里， 有时我会误以为自己已到了一个可以歇脚的地方。

总而言之，快乐对我来说已经是一个很抽象的感觉。 想了想， 我也渐渐忘记最后一次发自内心的笑是几时的事了。

我真的好累。

2010-06-27T00:22:00.003+08:00

edmund, do you know how much you miss out because of the path u took?

are you going to make it worth it? or are you going to regret forever?

time is the not the only thing you cannot regain, memories is one of those things too.

i will treat myself better.

2010-06-25T20:27:00.002+08:00

I'm never good in understanding people. You proved to be one of the hardest for me to understand. I keep having this feeling i'm doing a bad job trying to understand you. Hmmm..

2010-06-24T23:02:00.001+08:00

i feel kinda in a blank state.

maybe i got difficult focusing on too many things at a time.

pretty worried because things will only get worse.

2010-06-15T21:07:00.002+08:00

is there nothing i can do?

i feel so helpless.

i feel so lost.

i feel like leaving now.

even though i know it would come to this ending one day, but i still find it hard to accept.

我们过往的青春年月

2010-06-14T23:52:00.001+08:00

这些都是当年一同走过的朋友

岁月的皱褶，似乎磨平了些什么，又增添了些什么。

我们在各自的跑道上，继续唱着我们各自的主题歌。

走吧，走吧，人总要学会自己长大。

我们，真的，都长大了吗？

2010-06-12T00:52:00.001+08:00

i wish to be understand. to communicate with just a nod. to be understand with just a smile.

but sometimes we really have to admit communication is hard if the both of us are not open up.

2010-06-08T22:19:00.002+08:00

for work, a change is needed, much appreciated.

2010-05-30T23:48:00.001+08:00

There are 101 reasons for why you cant do it, but yet there is no reason required for why you can do it.

Aren't we lowering our self confidence?

2010-05-13T23:20:00.003+08:00

Backpacking at taiwan.

If you cant find one day, it means i took my passport and run away to these places for a while. I seek the thrill and excitement of an adventure.

Lets be wild and leave everything before.

Lets forget the mess we will left behind and the chaos we will create.

Because we are only young once :)

2010-05-13T00:52:00.002+08:00

whenever you are ready to take the plunge, i will be here waiting to catch you.

the future is an uncertainty which no one is able to predict, so stop trying to do so.

forget your instinct, forgo your guts feeling; just take my hand and follow me.

i will lead you to my safe haven.

2010-05-10T11:34:00.002+08:00

a feeling beyond sadness and helplessness.

2010-05-10T11:24:00.002+08:00

sometimes i really cannot stand the uncertainty.

2010-05-06T02:03:00.002+08:00

i like the way you smile :)

2010-05-05T23:48:00.002+08:00

back in 2008, i went for an 5d4n trip to hk and macau with my cedi friends.

it was unplanned and spontaneous, and it is really a free and easy with just basic itinerary set by us.

come to think of it, i really enjoy the feeling of spontaneous when traveling. i hate things that are preplanned, having a time schedule to follow will make trips become so stressful.

one personal getaway trip for me in a few months time :)

2010-05-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

I have arrived.

2010-04-29T01:29:00.000+08:00

its like a scorpion living in a water vase. haha. your forte is making me confusing and lost. haha!

2010-04-27T01:23:00.004+08:00

ahhh.. beautiful pictures to keep me motivated. work has been reduced to plain boring lately. guess i'm just been my usual self. i really really need to rekindle the interest i once had for work.

still wondering why nothing can interest me for long....

2010-04-27T00:59:00.001+08:00

sometimes i feel like writing a diary to keep track of our progress. i'm really quite glad that we both sat on the sofa that Saturday. up till now i still find everything very magical :)

2010-04-17T01:30:00.001+08:00

my greatest fear is not accomplishing anything for myself and my family when i'm 30. i do not want to live my whole life only to discover that all along i'm just moving in circle. to make an impact in the future, i have to start giving up things from the present. sometimes, you just have to try to find out more.

2010-04-10T18:04:00.004+08:00

Not everyone that board at the same bus stop as you will alight at the same stop.Different people have different destination in mind. Those who start the journey with you seldom finish with you. Some choose to get off earlier, while some want to go all the way to the interchange. There will be those who board the wrong bus, and those who miss their stop. There are times where you travel alone, and also times where a group of people is accompanying you.

Life is like a bus journey; do you have your destination in mind already?

2010-04-07T00:15:00.001+08:00

i realised that i learned more about me when i learned more about you.

2010-04-02T00:53:00.002+08:00

somehow the fact that i know i cant control my emotions well makes me feel so human.

2010-03-29T10:39:00.002+08:00

i crave from simplicity in the world of complexity.

2010-03-28T20:15:00.004+08:00

I show you myself. but u always choose not to see. You are always telling me what you want, but have you ever think about what i want?

you always say I'm insensitive, but aren't you the same too?

I'm tired. You are always pointing out my bad points. Am i really that bad?

Give me time. Give me your patience. Let me understand more.

actually i realised that i don't know much about you.

2010-03-26T00:43:00.002+08:00

my greatest regret in life is that i was born in Singapore. everything that i like about life, i cant find in Singapore. as i grow up, society expectation just weight down on me. sometimes i just want to break free of this suffocating environment.

i seek a free and peaceful lifestyle, whereby after a casual day of work, i can proceed home to enjoy family bliss. i always feel that life at its simplest is at its fullest.

growing up in singapore makes me greedy for more, especially when you see others having things you dun have. the process of wanting more is just a never ending viscous cycle. you know you will never be contented, but yet you just continue to prevent yourself from losing out.

i can handle stress. i can work well under pressure. but i wont enjoy anything at all. every day i just ask myself, is this what i want? i cannot find an answer, because growing up in singapore, nurture has overtake nature. i want a peaceful and simple life, but yet i need a financial comfortable lifestyle.

my greatest regret in life is that i cant follow my heart.

2010-03-21T16:15:00.001+08:00

i feel unappreciated. you are my headache yet you are the painkiller. what an irony. i dun think you understand.

2010-03-18T23:08:00.002+08:00

i feel lost at times. i seems to be caught in between 2 different direction of traffic. i really need to make a stand, and i will hate either decision.

i need help. perhaps only future edmund can help.

2010-03-14T14:37:00.001+08:00

make my wait worth it okay? lets work hard together.

2010-03-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

you make me human again.

2010-02-27T21:05:00.002+08:00

one thing you need to realise is that at different point of time, you will lose different stuff.

some are important while some are less significant. it is not about how you can prevent the loss, its about how you deal with it. one simply cant hold too many things at a time, its a simple fact of life.

2010-02-25T01:44:00.002+08:00

because this time, i cant turn back and walk away from everything again.

there are too much to lose.

2010-02-21T01:09:00.000+08:00

there is complexity in simplicity.

2010-02-20T16:01:00.001+08:00

The Blind Side

To what courage do we fall

Lest we not hear our commander’s call

Fool nor folly, we must not judge

To our mortal enemy we hold a grudge

Though doubt clouds our mind

No order shall we decline

Reason gathers dust

Since the day we sold our trust

For God and country we march on

As battle cries invade the dawn

Doves stop singing as bullets cry

No shield upon us, only rusted sky

For honor we must die

And high our flag must fly

Do we wear our silent courage

Where devils claim to forage

Pushing forward through bloody path

Over obstacles of stained wrath

To what courage do we call

Right or wrong, like dominoes we fall

Heroes left and right to cannons burst stall

One hill closer to victory for all

So is courage a bad thing left to hide

Move bravely forward not seeing ...

Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake, but you are not supposed to question adults or your coach or your teacher. Because they make the rules. Maybe they know the best or maybe they don't.It all depends on who you come and where they come from. Didn't at least the six hundred guys think of giving up and joining with the other side.I mean The Valley Of Death! That's pretty salty stuff.THat's why courage is tricky, should you always do what others tell you to do. Sometimes you might not even know why you do something. I mean any fool can have courage. But honour, that's the real reason you do something or you don't.Its who you are and maybe who you want to be. If you die trying for something important then you have both honour and courage and that's pretty good. I think that's what the writer was saying, that you should hope for courage and try for honour and maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some too.

2010-02-15T03:19:00.001+08:00

I don’t know what to say, really. Three minutes till the biggest battle of our professional lives all comes down to today. Now either we heal as a team or we’re gonna crumble, inch by inch, play by play, ’til we’re finished.

We’re in hell right now, gentlemen, believe me. And, we can stay here — get the shit kicked out of us — or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell one inch at a time.

Now, I can’t do it for you. I’m too old. I look around. I see these young faces, and I think — I mean — I made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh, I pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who’s ever loved me. And lately, I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know, when you get old in life things get taken from you. I mean that’s…part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life’s this game of inches. So is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small — I mean one-half a step too late, or too early, and you don’t quite make it. One-half second too slow, too fast, you don’t quite catch it.

The inches we need are everywhere around us.

They’re in every break of the game, every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch, because we know when we add up all those inches that’s gonna make the fuckin’ difference between winning and losing! Between livin’ and dyin’!

I’ll tell you this: In any fight, it’s the guy who’s willing to die who’s gonna win that inch. And I know if I’m gonna have any life anymore, it’s because I’m still willin’ to fight and die for that inch. Because that’s what livin’ is! The six inches in front of your face!!

Now I can’t make you do it. You got to look at the guy next to you. Look into his eyes! Now I think you’re gonna see a guy who will go that inch with you. You’re gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team because he knows, when it comes down to it, you’re gonna do the same for him!

That’s a team, gentleman!

And, either we heal, now, as a team, or we will die as individuals.

That’s football guys.

That’s all it is.

Now, what are you gonna do?

2010-02-10T21:20:00.003+08:00

there is too much to lose. and i wonder how long i can pressure myself without breaking.

i'll try. because if i am capable of 100%, i dun see why i should only give 90%.

just give me time and you see a different me. its a promise.

2010-02-07T22:59:00.000+08:00

a new interest... hmmm..

2010-02-01T01:29:00.001+08:00

2010-01-27T23:18:00.002+08:00

because i walk a path that has only room for one. anything else is a burden.

2010-01-08T00:37:00.002+08:00

this is a really late n3. but i feel that at some point of time, this n3 should be included in this blog.

this is about my ns life.

i went in with totally different expectations of what i experienced in the 2 yrs. i learnt and grow up in that 2 years. it is true that i was miserable for a fair bit of time in the army ( i mean, come on, who wont? ) but at least i end it with a happy note :)

my mates in 6sir is what make my ns life so endurable. i shall not dwell so much on them, since it is quite tiring to list them out one by one.

there are many many different type of people in the world. in the army, you can see every kind of people in a glance. it is like a mini society. office politics, siam arrow, chu pattern. these are just the common daily activities happening.

this is the reality. and it is better to face it before you step out to society. thats why they say army turns a boy into man. they prepared you to receive all kind of bullshit in your stride.

it has been a fun and tiring journey and i'm glad i made it out without any problems and extras. although the day i collect my ic wasnt as euphoric as i think it will be, but the feeling of plunging into the unknown civilian life was still thrilling. NS is over. but the journey of my life has just begin.

151207 i enlisted. 141209 i ord.

ns has a chapter in the story of my life :)

HEY FUTURE EDMUND!

2010-01-04T23:07:00.003+08:00

another year.

2010.

every year i will write a prediction of the year to come. 2010 will be a year of adventure. I'll conquer the unknown, explore the unseen and unleash my potential. That is a promise i make to myself on 040110.

Lets try something different now.

TO Mr Edmund Yee of 2015,

Hey boss, i'm the edmund of 2010. Sounds weird looking back at the old you right? Dun worry, this is just a reality checklist to see if you are on track. Please contact the Edmund of 2020 soon.

Okay, future edmund, i hope you have matured in both mentality and physical throughout these 5 years. Things i dun understand now, i hope you have it all figured out already. You are finishing your university soon, so i'm thinking you should be keeping track to your dream. Your dream is just a short distance away, soon we will be heading towards the adventure of life. Live wild, dream big man, dont be contented with what's at home for you. The world is your stage, and you have an important role to play. At times, others would tell you to stop, others might persuade you to give up. BUT DONT!

They are lying to you. You are not someone who will be defeated by the society stereotype, who will not succumb to the harsh realities. If i at the age of 20 can be so determine, i believe you can too.

You sure you want your life to be just a boring chapter? Remember an old advertisement about NAVY recruitment, are you sure you really want your life to be such monotonous? Brother, seize the moment, your opportunity is just a person away.

Also, future me, i hope you already have a serious girlfriend. Do me proud and make up for the loss time we suffered. Jiayou! Be nice to her because you are a kind hearted guy by nature. Dont try to be someone you are not, be true to everyone including yourself. If possible, take her along with you to the adventure we always wanted. If not, don't let her waste her youth on you. Whoever she is, she deserve someone more stable.

Now, a lot of people who actually still read my blog now at 2010 will actually wonder what adventure i'm talking about. But dont worry, it's just a secret shared between us, between the past, present and future edmund.

However brother, a kite can soar high above the sky but the string controlling it is still on the ground. That is something you can never give up, because once you cut it, you are just a wandering kite who will bound to drop eventually.

Be true. Be brave. 2010 is going to be a year of adventure for me. I hope 2015 will be a year of greater adventure for you.

Signing off 2010 Edmund.

Hmmm... i wonder if i'll actually read this when i'm 25! But nevertheless its still something i wish to motivate myself with. I'm going to rock the house this year!

2009-12-26T23:44:00.002+08:00

Today is a thinking day. Quite a few people asked me, what do you want for your future? What if you make it? What if you dont? What if something happen?

I dun know how to reply. To me, future is something very unreal. There are too many uncertainties, too many factors to consider. Yes I can plan for my future, but what if things turn out differently?

I used to spend the time before sleeping to think about future scenario, and how i will react to it. Like for example, what if i ask a girl out to date? In one night, i can think of thousand and eight ways to respond to all possible responses she can give me. Then from then on, i'll branch out the line of thoughts. So although i nv did ask the girl out, but in my mind, she probably already went out with me more than hundred times.

That is so stupid.

But anyway, that is not important.

Lets say one day, suddenly one person ask you "what do you want in your life?", can you immediately churn out the answer? NO! If anyone can reply in that instant,then they are just giving you the politically correct answer, the FORMAT answer!

"What do you want for your future?" is that kind of question which you need days to think about, to ponder on. I believe a person at different stage of life have different ideas of their future. When i'm young, i want to have a room specially for my lego city ( i'll build a city using LEGO ). When i'm in lower sec, i want to be an architect in the future. When i'm 15-16, i just want to be rich. However on some days when i'm more deep in thoughts, i want to own a small cosy cafe and spend quality time with loved one.

SO if You tell me all along in you life you want to earn big bucks and drive big car in the future. I'll say you are lying to yourself. That is not the true you. That is the person that the modern capitalist society wants you to become. To strike for the gold pot at the end of rainbow. To a baby, he will choose his toy over a million dollars cheque.

However, i dont deny money is important. Those who say that life should not be all about earning money are all morons. They are either well off to start with or super religious. Try telling a starved beggar that money are not important and that spiritual development is more important than anything. I swear they will stand up and stab you with whatever they have in their hand. Money is essential! But then different people have different definition of enough money. For me, enough money is the luxury of traveling freely. For you, it might even be a sentosa cove landed property.

Everyone can tell you big dreams, big hopes, big fantasy. I think that is all crap. The bigger you dream, the longer you stay in your fantasy little world. Those who just do with a simpler goal will be the one that make it. YES, they always ask you to dream big, to aim high. I SAY that is bullshit. You hear one success story and got "WAHHH, i always want to be like him, i should follow his step". OKAY, first of all, what you hear is THE ONE success story, and not the TRILLIONS fail story. Second, if everyone thinks the same as you, the whole world would already be flooded with successful people,but too bad its not. Third, the truth is always ugly, thats why success story are all sugar coated in order to sound more attractive. Don't be so naive.

Okay, LI TI le. anyway, the thing i want to say is, future is not something so focus on monetary point of view. Yes, you want to earn money. But what happens after that? Earn more ah? Future is also not something i can think of in an instant. Future is also something private which i wont want to share with you. Unless you want the standard format answer ( i'm good at it, i went thru A and O level )

have you ever wonder why MOE always want standard answer and not some creative answer that only you can come out with? stay tune to my next "wtf are they thinking about"session.

2009-12-20T03:47:00.000+08:00

水瓶座的人，2010年的工作、念書環境（或生活環境），以及周遭的人事，原來的做事方式，作息習慣等，有重大的改變。

2010年很多事物對水瓶座的來說是新的經驗，你需要時間學習，適應。改變的可能原因，包括新工作（新學校），搬遷（你或親近的人），新的職務，轉換跑道，成家生子等，而且環境一經改變後，要再重回過去是不太可能。

2010／4～7月間，你有人際上的困擾，跟某人會漸行漸遠，原本你們是常互動的。新的體驗，新的人際關係除了出現在2010年，也會在2011年發生，這一兩年是你人生經歷變化很大的兩年，有關2011年的部分，留待來年再詳解。

2009-12-13T04:26:00.002+08:00

sometimes i have to constantly lie to myself to keep myself in check. priorities in my life are all confined by the social obligation given by the society i live in.

deep down, there is a few scenes that exists. all i want for my life is to fulfill that few scenes. i never know when these scenes appear, but all i know of this scenes are just bits and pieces.

i know a particular one involved a glass house restaurant near a garden during a rainy night with some light traffic around it, giving the restaurant a mixture of car lights and the orange glow from the streets lamp.

it was only until a few years ago, then i realised the glass house Fish and Co at park mall fit most of the description. But then again, i had that scene in my mind long before i realised the existence of Fish and Co.

In that scene, i was having my meal with someone ( unidentified )

strange... but from then on, streets lamp glow in rainy night entice me more than any scenery.

on a sleepless night like tonight, the best thing to do is to let your mind wander.

dont do what people wants you to do,but do what you want to do at the moment. thats the beauty of life.

2009-12-13T03:53:00.001+08:00

http://blog.xuite.net/osaki99/blog/17972900

this depends whether you believe the world can be define by 4 type of character.

A B AB and O

i'm a B (+)

c

2009-12-09T01:45:00.000+08:00

hot tea in a cold night..

h

2009-12-05T01:04:00.001+08:00

lego art is the gay-est shit. it takes detailed planning and all. google for more images.

2009-12-02T23:26:00.004+08:00

feel like consolidating a list of my favourites.

favourite movies! i'm a movie fanatics, thought i still insist on not watching low budget movies. Sorry indie producer, you cant earn my money with your pathetic production cost.

Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea,(Mr Creedy) and ideas are bulletproof.

The truth is... I am Iron Man.

King Leonidas: Spartans! What is your profession?
Spartans: HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH!
King Leonidas: [turning to Daxos] You see, old friend? I brought more soldiers than you did.

2009-11-24T19:10:00.003+08:00

THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS TO DO. BUT I'M SIMPLY TOO LAZY TO GO ATTEMPT DOING THEM.

ONE MONTH OF LOBO-ING AROUND GOT THE BETTER OF ME.

ALTHOUGH I STILL THINK LIFE GREATEST JOY IS TO WAKE UP ANYTIME YOU WANT TO DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.

AH! SO FAR, LIFE'S BEEN GREAT IN THAT SENSE.

WAD A LONG CCC ( CIVILIAN CONVERSION COURSE )I HAVE.

把时光倒转回那一季

2009-11-12T23:37:00.001+08:00

人生就像一场游戏一场梦, 梦醒之后又是一场荒唐的游戏. 半梦半醒的我, 以无法
分辨真实与否. 长期以来我都在记录下不可能重来的残淡青春. 因为我不想将青春
留白. 但是记忆本身是一个微妙的东西,当我们在回忆过去所发生的事时, 我们往往
只会记得美好的事情. 以前的痛和苦, 往往都会被时间冲淡.过去的记忆就如一张张
泛黄的照片, 也像一部九十年代初的国产片. 一切变的很不真实, 却又略带一点迷
人的浪漫. 如果能把时光倒转, 你会回到那一刻?

人类进化`史

2009-11-03T23:22:00.001+08:00

如果人类只是普通的动物的话, 我们所需要的只是食物, 水和空气. 但是经过几千
万年的进化, 我们变得更贪心了.似乎我们需要更多东西来生存了. 房子,车子,信用
卡,文凭, 高科技产品都变成了日常所需.

难道拥有了最新的 iphone, 就是潮?
驾的是新款的audi, 驾起来会更加神情气爽?
读得是med school 就等于是步入上流社会?

人何时变得那么肤浅? 何几何时 LV, Prada, Gucci 取代了柴米油盐?
在我们忙目的崇拜物资享受时, 我们到底失去了什么?

我想对这些问题,每一个人都有不同答案. 只看你相信什么.

2009-11-03T02:09:00.000+08:00

欢场, 哭哭笑笑, 人来人去之后, 剩下的只是一场空.

2009-10-29T01:13:00.000+08:00

改变阿宅大计划!

it has begun.

2009-10-28T01:12:00.004+08:00

i like the early 90's singapore. it was less complicated.

2009-10-15T12:54:00.002+08:00

最近, a lot of my friends are showing more and more signs of being love sick. 感觉上, 他们常常在说自己有多想有一个伴在旁. 那我就奇怪了, 为何我不会有这样的想法呢? 难不成是我太习惯一个人独来独往的感觉了? 难不成丘比特已经把我从他的名单上delete掉了?

想了一想,其实在无趣的人生里, 偶尔出现一些色彩,也相当不错.

2009-10-15T11:47:00.000+08:00

Atkins diet!

2009-09-17T12:18:00.001+08:00

what's next?

2009-09-16T23:19:00.001+08:00

sometimes the end scares you more than the beginning.

2009-09-16T23:02:00.000+08:00

this is hard. no wonder so little people are doing it.

2009-09-15T18:59:00.002+08:00

i had just experienced one of the most defining moment of my NS life last week.

it was crazily insanely risky . but i did it!

i felt like i can do anything now! WOAh!

2009-09-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

Petronas festival advertisement amazes me. they paid for many heart warming short clips to be telecast as advertisement. it is something similar to the the funeral advertisement about the imperfect couple. all these touching advertisement about families are produced by the late YASMIN AHMAD. go youtube his petronas cny advertisement to watch. it is definitely worth your time and effort. i promise you that they will be better than the elephant, giraffe and monkey coffee shop talk about peanuts.

2009-09-03T09:51:00.000+08:00

okay, enough of emo qq.

2009-08-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

i'm not good in handling emotions, especially my own. thats why i usually fade out from awkward situation.i tend to try to escape when things get too emotional. i hide all my emotions when i'm outside. i dont like it when people get too close to me, in terms of feeling. when things go wrong, i'll hide myself and try to go to sleep, as if sleeping will allow me to go to a carefree dimension. i choose to throw away bad memories rather than facing it. i'm a coward when things really matter to me. too personal and i'll bail out.

i'd realised that i'd hurt many people because of my incapability of open up myself and my dishonesty with my feelings. i'm sorry to all those that matter.

2009-08-27T01:26:00.001+08:00

if you stand still, nothing changes. if you just take a small step forward, things will be different.

2009-08-25T16:02:00.000+08:00

got myself a mini checklist.

i need to start a collection hobby.

i need to settle my admin stuff.

i need to clean out the junk.

i need to prepare myself for adulthood.